A few years ago a trusted and respected friend dumped me. She cited the fact that when we hosted game nights they were potluck (is this really an issue that I don't know about?), that I slept too late once when I stayed over (true) and that I was self-centered and didn't focus enough on her problems (maybe).
I've called and left messages once in awhile just to say I was thinking of her and the other day I found her on facebook and sent her a message. Currently, she lives less than 20 miles away.
I was completely destroyed when this happened. I couldn't believe anyone could think so poorly of me. I've always wondered why she didn't address these issues when they came up. Why store them all up and dump them only to say, "it's over."
When we were both living in Albuquerque and we were getting ready to move, I was pregnant, Blair was out of town and we were trying to get the house ready to sell. She had offered their help, but when I asked, she said they would come over, but then didn't show up. I was hurt and angry about this and brought it up with her. She told me all the things that were going on in their life right then, I understood and we got over it.
Why didn't she bring things up with me? Does she expect her friends to be perfect? Do you?
What I'm wondering about today is why I can't let it/her go. What do I hope to get out of reconnecting?
Do I really want to be friends again with someone who hurt me so badly? Have I forgotten how bad it was?
Can I not stand the fact that someone out there thinks I'm a bad person?
Do I want to be right about the issues she brought up?
I'm not sure. I used to think that I just missed her friendship. It occurred to me today that maybe I just want to be right. I do like being right. But I really do miss her.
4 comments:
I remember when this happened ... similarly, I just saw yesterday that one of the nephews on "the other side" de-friended me on FB. I am sure it was nothing I said because we never communicated on FB and honestly his posts were so absurd, crud, etc that I am a speck glad not to have to read them daily. A 20 y.o. out of control. BUT, it REALLY bothered/bothers me that he de-friended me. I was thinking exactly what you said "why"... I dreaded reading his crazed, drug ridden posts, seeing pictures that would make me cringe and so WHY am I so bothered by it? I was thinking today, maybe, I am so bothered by it because he is the "injured bird". He is 20 and on drugs, living in the dirtiest surroundings, has no future on the track he is on and yet HE dumped ME!?! Shouldn't I have been the one dumping his sorry a$$? And so maybe it all falls into being right.
I am sorry that you miss her. You deserved better from her. <3
Karen, I knew you would remember. Honestly, I wondered if you'd want to smack me!
So sorry to hear about your nephew's situation. I would probably have felt like maybe having this tenuous facebook connection with him would help him turn his life around.
Thanks for sharing.
I think we want others to like us and we worry a great deal about making others happy. Therefore when we don't we feel bad and wonder why someone doesn't want to be friends. Also, some people want the drama that leaves others guessing so it will fuel their thoughts of superiority.
It would be easy to say move on and get over it, but I know that my personality would not allow that so I won't suggest it to you. But try to stop feeling bad because then she's brought you into her game.
Glad you are back!
I've stuggled with the same thing on FB. Why do I want to be friends with people from my past who were mean. Maybe we're just looking for closure.
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